Re: A lonley Cutter (OPEN FOR ANYONE)

[Xuxa_Rene]

Dani grinned at his reaction, she loved to be able to spoil him and although it was almost like pulling teeth he was a stubbron man but she loved him for it. If it hadnt been for him she knew that she would be far worse off she couldn’t even imagine where she would be if it wasn’t for him. For sure she wouln’t have had the nerve to work in the VA but with Alex’s encouragement and with him going there too she had done it. Now she was going to be married and she couldn’t be happier.

As he wrapped his arms behind her she looked back at him and grinned and lightly kissed his cheek. When he chose one she grinned “Seems prefect to me my love.” She giggled as he kissed her neck. Then she pulled out. “I just want to pay for it my love” She walked over to the chashier and whispered “I want you to engrave this into it please” She handed a piece of paper that stated “Two hearts as one, always in my thoughts, love Dani” The casheir nodded “It will be ready tommrow, I can see this is a rush order” Dani nodded. “Thank you” with that she paid and walked back to Alex. “Where to now Alex?”

Meanwhile her fathers squad had been talking, they were all concered for Dani. “Did you see how she was at the funural?” They all nodded “She took charge” They all nodded again, “She held her self up never showing any sorrow. They all shook their heads “She was the strong one, remember how her father talked about her, how she had kept the fact that his wife had left them cause she feared it would result in him being distracted?” All the men nodded again “She was a strong one” They were all silent again, “I wonder if she has allowed herself to mourn yet” A young one asked. A Cpl spoke up next. “She feels responsble I doubt very highly that she has” The men all looked at the Cpl “Is she going to be okay seeing us? She hasn’t seen us sice her father’s….” But it was agreed they would go and see her, and give the ring, the Cpl had plans to talk to her about how it wasn’t her fault and although her father knew she was strong it was okay to mourn for him, they all did. He wondered how she would react to seeing them all again.

[Guest]

The next few days again seemed to fly by as they always did when you were having fun. Soon it was time to go back to school for the next semester. Alex as normal took him and Dani to the school and he was wearing his bracelet with its inscription. He had found himself playing with it at times. Turning it on his wrist. It was something he had to get use to, just like when he first started wearing a wrist watch. When they got there, it was evident that news had spread. Probably from Debbie, for Dani was soon surrounded by her new friends all wanting to see the ring, squealing and all giddy with excitement.

The six men in dress greens pulled up in one car and got out. They entered the school and went to the Main Office to talk to the Principle. Staff Sergent Green introduced the members of the squad and then told the principle that they had been members of Dani's father's squad in Afganastan when he had been killed. Since they had no idea of where she was now living since her brother and her had no parents there they came to the school to see if they could find her and give her her father's ring.

"Well I am sure she will be here soon. Both her brother and her have moved in with her boyfirend and his mother." he smiled. "A good young man, and a vetern himself." He told them of Alex and how he had been in Iraq and had been discharged because he had lied about being a Highschool Graduate. The men perked up at this and all grinned. "I think he is planning on going back in as soon as he graduates. As soon as the bell rings and all are in class I will have one of the aids go fetch both of them."

[Xuxa_Rene]

Dani enjoyed the last little bit of their holidays, they had gone back for his braclet when it was ready and she loved how it looked on him. She loved how he was willing to wear it, and man how she loved Alex. She found herself playing with her ring dreaming of their wedding day, she didn’t want anything too fancy, her brother teased that she wouldn’t be able to wear white but she didn’t care she still wanted to be able to wear white. She had talked it over with his mother and she agreed that she should be able to wear white after all it was her day, to that Dani smiled. “Well I am not going to be bridzilla” They both laughed and looked over maganizes. Making notes, Dani finally decided it would be better and cheaper if she made her own dress, she wasn’t about to tell Alex though. It would be a surprise for him.

Before she knew it the holidays were over, and it was time to go back to school she wondered what the reaction would be once everyone saw the ring.As they rode to school, she was getting nervous she hadnt recived her class sheduele yet she didn’t know how many classes she had with Alex, she knew she had peer councelling, and script writing/Directing, but other then that she wasn’t sure what she had. Or when for that matter, but it didn’t bother her too much they had lunch together and they would have after school together too. Once they made it inside Dani’s question was anwered for her it was clear that someone had told the for she was surronded by the girls and they were gushing over the ring and her. Sounds of “Your so lucky” And “When is the big day” were heard over and over again. Dani was blushing over all of the excitement and attention.

When the bell rang she looked at the tv displaying the class block order she relized that she had peer counscelling first so broke away from the group wrapped her arms around Alex’s neck and kissed him, the girls errupted in squeels of “Ohhh’s” and “Ahhhs” Dani grinned and let go “See you at lunch” She then grabbed her bag and raced off for her class sitting down near the front the teacher greated her looked at the ring then raised an eyebrow, Dani nodded and the teachers face light up.

The men thanked the principal and talked amoungest themselves. Then the Cpl spoke to the SSgt. “The aniversary is coming up, I wonder if she had mourned yet” The principal over heard and spoke up. “I often ask myself that, you know she returned to school only weeks after ,took her brother a few months, she was set to graduate at the same time, but he has taken on extra courses and will graduate at the end of this term” The Cpl picked up on that, he looked to the SSgt who shook his head as a way of telling the Cpl to be quiet. The Cpl had no other choice but to remain silent. The Ssgt heard the bell and readied himself, he knew that he would have to have a talk wth Dustin and Dannelle or Dani as her father had always called her. He turned to the Principal again “We may need to talk to Miss Bloddgette alone, she doesn’t know we are coming and its been nearly a year since she has seen us all. If what this principal said was right and it was what he thought, Dani was going to lose both men she loved to deployment and Dani knew what that ment it was likely they wouldn’t be returning without being somewhat damaged or injured, yes it seeemd they had come at just the right time.

[Guest]

Alex chuckled at the group of girls surrounding Dani. Their oohs and ahhs and comments made him smile. So much had changed, and would be changing more. Dani was not accepted into the mainstream of things. Once they were able to see beyond thier pre conception of what she was and see her for herself, they saw her for what she really was. She was happy and more at ease. But he knew she had not mourned the loss of her father and that worried him some. He was worried of what would happen when she let it all out.

When she kissed him and the girls around them giggled and carried on he made sure he kissed her deeply and with passion before releasing her. When she left for her class he went to his first period class. The next bell rang for the start of the class and then a few minutes later a student aid came in with a pass to the office for him. One also arrived for Dani at her first period class. He wondered what it was for, the aid had no idea. He arrived at the office first and saw the six men in uniform. As he walked in the Staff Sergeant looked at him and smiled. "Alex Morgan? Your the son of Peter Morgan?" he stuck out his hand to Alex, "I knew your father and Dani's."

Alex had been at several military bases during his father's career. His father had met, befriended and served with more soldiers then he could count. He took the Staff Sergeant's hand and shook it. "You look alot like your father Alex."

"She is coming." one of the others said as he saw the aid returning with a girl through the window in the office.

[Xuxa_Rene]

Sitting at her desk Dani thought back on that kiss. She found herself blushing, he had purposly kissed her that long and deep she was sure of it. He had done it to please the crowd that was around them and of course her, and he had succeded. Her breath was still coming in gasps but she soon settled down and attempted to focus on what the teacher was saying , peer councelling was for students to come to other students (them) to help the work through issues. Dani had a feeling that with her past that she would be getting the more difficult cases.

As the class went on recived the books for the course the dos and donts of peer councelling, they had to do some reports and some mock councelling seessions with each other before they would be ready for the real thing. Dani dove right into the work, filling in her own profile first, as much as it pained her she knew that she had to be honest so she checked that she could relate to cutting, selfharming, deppression, and lost of a loved one amoung others.

Before she could hand it in though there was a kock on the door everyone looked up, and as she was told she was too come to the office there was a bunch of “Ohhs and Ahhs” Which Dani ignored with a smile. “Yeah waterever” She grabbed her bags and the profile which she wasn’t ready to hand in yet. Try as she might she was unable to get any information from the aid only that Alex had been fetched too. Dani grew nervous could they be introuble for being engaged? There was no way.

Finally when she got closer she saw the uniforms, she knew the men, her fathers squad, they much have just come back from a tour. She smiled and rushed in running to the group and hugging them each indivually then blushing she backed up to Alex wrapping his arm around her neck. “This is my Fiance Alex Morgan” She looked up at him then back to them trembling slightly. “So….whats….happening?” She was nervous last time she had seen them was at her dads funeral, and they had all seen that she had not shed a tear there and she had handled everything including reciving the flags and making sure that everyone was taken care of at the reception, she had not once sat down even with them all trying to get her to sit, did they all think that she was heartless? What if they found out that she still hadnt allowed herself to mourn, her father excepted her to be strong and she would be strong , she couldn’t break, what if she could never get put back to gether?


((Figures this opens it up for the SSgt to talk to her and hopefully get to her to allow herself to mourn))

[Guest]

He watched as Dani approached the office and then her run in and hugg every one of the men. From what he had been told by Dani and them, they had been at her fathers funeral and had known her and Dustin quite well. When she asked what was happening the Staff Sergeant looked at all the squad members and then reached into his pocket and brought out a ring. "Your father had this when he was with us. He talked about how you liked it so well and that he planned to give it to you when he got back. He never had the chance to and it got left behind when his things were packed up and shipped home." He extended his hand with the ring in it to Dani.

He looked down at Dani. "Have you let yourself mourn for your father yet Dani." he put his other hand on her shoulder. "It is not a sign of weakness to mourn for a loved one." Not mourning could become a real bad problem and it was about time for her to let it out.

[Xuxa_Rene]

Dani swallowed hard unable to keep either of their eye contact for too long to scared that if they looked into them they would see what she was trying so hard to hide, they all were trained to decern eye expressions, but with the aniversary coming up, Alex thinking of reinlisting her brother acting so strange it was becoming harder and harder to hold on to her masks, she had to be strong, her fathr loved her strenghth, she had to be strong, she had been weak it had killed her father, she had been weak it had chased her mother away she had been weak it caused her brother to break down . No she couldn’t be weak, she couldn’t cry if she begain to cry she would never be able to stop and she would have to go to a mental hospital herself. No she stiffened in Alex’s arms she would not show any weakness her father would still be alive if she had remaind strong like he had told her too.

As the Ssgt looked at the sqaud and dug in his pocket she imeditaly begain picking at the top side of her thumb she was nervous what could be be giving her? As he pulled out the ring she gasped and shook her head no, that couldn’t be what she thought it was but it was her hand fell on the ring, she swallowed hard again looked breifly up at them all and took the ring and brought it to her lips and smiled “Thank you for bringing it, I always thought it was a good luck charm” She snorted. “All the good it did” She muttered to herself.

As he brought his hand down to her shoulder she broke free from Alex and walked a few steps away from Alex and hopefully out of ear shot. She looked at all the the guys. “I know I come off heartless but I cant mourn, My father told me that he needed me to be strong for him” She paused and closed her eyes and tighed her grip on the ring. “His last phone call home, I told him that I missed him and that I was scared for him” She looked up at the Ssgt. “I had heard strories of where you were all going, the media dubs the Korengal valley Death Valley” She closed her eyes again. “Its my fault he died I told him I was scared for him and then he inturn became scared for me, cause he knew that I would have issues sleeping or slip into a fit of deppression or begin cutting again its my fault” She shook her head. “I failed him in life I will not fail him in his death, I will be strong for him” She swallowed. “If I start crying I will break and I can not break, the anniversary is coming up, the local media is going to want to interview me again” She looked up at him again. “ My dad hated to see me cry, I was crying on the phone and he begged me to stop, then the call was cut…you know how that always happens, if you get the call to load up you load up” She lowered her head. “How could I cry now?”

She sighed she had told way more then she wanted too, but these guys knew her for years and they were like her family, she chewed her bottom lip “So to Answer your question have I mourned, sure in my own way, being strong, keeping my brother Alive, keeping my grades up, making sure my brother kept his grades up.” She paused again “I am now working at the local VA, helping out the verterns there, so as you can see I can not allow my self to break” She paused knowing that she used the wrong word. “I will not fail again” She whispered her head high but she still couldn’t look any of them in the eyes for too long she squared her shoulders and was nearly standing at attention. Not knowing what was coming but she had steadied her breathing and was not going to break. She wanted nothing else then for Alex to wrap his arms around her but she wasn’t sure she could remain strong if he did she. No she had to do this on her own only whipering “I know you probably see me as heartless but see my point, he would still be alive if it wasn’t for me”

[Guest]

Dani had moved away from him, but not quite out of hearing range. He heard everthing she was telling the sergeant. She was blaming herself for her father's death which was not right. Everyone was worried about everything over in Iraq and in Afganastan. They worried about their families, brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers and the like. But that did not interfer with their jobs. When it came to the mission they were all about it. Their lives and those of their fellow soldiers depended on it. Her father had died from an IED, and that ment that no one could have known that there was one. No one could have done anything.

"You are not at fault Dani." the sergeant told her. "Each and everyone of us are afraid over there. Afraid we will slip up, that the next bullet has our name on it. We are all worried about our loved ones back here. But we push through it, concentrate on the mission, looking out for each other the best we can. Your father did that. He was concentrating on the mission, doing his job. It was an IED that killed him. Not you, not him worrying about you. It was that damn IED. He knew you were strong even if you were afraid for him. He loved you and your brother but he would want you not to hold it in. Being strong is not all about not crying and mourning, doing that helps you be strong, helps you grieve and then move on with your life. He would not have blamed you for his death, there is no blame, not on you." he placed a hand on her shoulder again.

[Xuxa_Rene]

Dani swallowed hard listening and nodding trying to follow what he was saying but her head was screaming with doubt, she wanted to belive them, she really did to relive herself of the guilt that she was carring but she also didn’t think she deserved to be relived of the guilt, so was so confused what they said was making sence, she knew that it was damned IED that killed her father, that was the only thing she hated more then herself, the damn IEDs but she couldn’t bring herself to forgive herself to let it all go but she just couldn’t bring herself to belive it, she hated herself for so much she never even got to say goodbye to him, or that she loved him that last time the call had been cut short, she hadnt told anyone not even Dustin or Alex she worried that her dad didn’t know that she had loved him. How could she explain that? Instead she chewed her bottom lip looking up at the squad. “I will think about it, I know you are right, I…I..:” She paused unable to go on “I know you are right, I think I am going to go talk to him for a bit” She smiled up at them “Thank you for bringing the ring it means a lot to me” She nodded whippng her face “So you guys going to be sticking around I would like to keep in touch you know” She hugged each of them and lost in her own would walked out without saying good bye to Alex, she had forgotten that he was there.She walked out of the school and half jogged to the graveyard, which so happened to be only 2 miles from the school.

Meanwhile her fathers squad looked up at Alex and the Ssgt spoke, “Her father talked about her a lot, she was a rock nd somethimes that worried him, he knew that she felt that she had to be super woman, she has had no one, and she doesn’t know how to depend on anyone” He nodded to him “I am sure you have found that out in her” He grinned changing the topic “I noticed the ring, you would have made her father very happy, and he would have appoved” He then winked “ And I will give you an address for the invites, I doubt she will let us miss it” He then crossed his arms across his chest. “Now, son whats this your principal told us about you wanted to rejoin the service” He paused. “I knew your father and Dani’s, both served well” He nodded “Does Dani know? That you are thinking of reinlisting that is” He looked the way that she had gone “No matter what I know she will never voice her fears about you inlisting, but you best find some way to do your best and ease it before you do”

Dustin had skipped the first two classes he was at the gravesite, it had taken him a long time to work up the courage to get out of the car and even more to walk to the site, he noticed the bench right away donated by the legion, he sat down on it and stared into his fathers stone, there were fresh flowers, undoubtly brought by his sister. He stared at it for the longest time then pulled the envolpe from his pocket, he hadnt opened it yet he spoke softly. “Well dad, I havent been here for awhile, Dani is doing really well, but of course you know that” He snorted, this was Debbie’s idea for him to tell his father, saying that it would be easier to talk to Dani if he had practise. “Well dad I have a girl friend, I know me hey” he paused smiling, he could hear his dad telling him good job. “Debbie is a great girl” he continued. Then paused. “Well I have some news, I am enlisting, well…actually I am appling.” He pulled out a envople from his pocket. “This will tell me if I got accepted or not, I havnt had the courage to open it” He sighed “Well here we go” He slowly opeend the letter. “Well dad I got accepted I start boot camp after exams” Hearing a gasp and a tree branch crack he twisted around. His heart sank and his hand flew to his mouth “Dani I..”

Dani had made it to the graveyard in recored time, running helped keep the tears away she still couldn’t bring herself to cry, she just wanted to talk to her dad she did it all the time just sitting there and talk to him, the bench had been donated since many people noticed her sitting on the grass and dirt in anyweather, rain, snow and they had been worried about her so the donted a bench so she would at least be off the ground but she still did occasinly lay on it just picturing him hugging her back. She was longing now to just sit on the bench and talk to her father but there was someone else there as she walked up closer she noticed it was her brother she listened to him talk about Debbie but then it changed when he pulled out the envolpe and accounced he was inlisting Dani dropped her bags and gasped.

Dustin was standing walking towards her, Dani was shaking her head backing up. Dustin pleaded with her “Dani I was going to tell you when it was a sure thing” Dani took off to the road Dustin caught up to her and wrapped his arms around her Dani let out a yell and began to kick him, making contact with his jewls Dustin dropped his sister who imeditaly turned around and pushed him “HOW COULD YOU” she screamed. “HOW COULD YOU KEEP THIS FROM ME” She was shaking she ws so mad she slapped him across the face. “I….I…I” She couldn’t continue the sentece she brought a hand to her mouth she had slapped her brother. “Dustin I’m…” she shook her head and ran from him leaving her bag and him standing there.

Dani was gasping for air her lunngs burned but she pushed on, she raced to her home, let herself in the front door raced to her room grabbed her knife from her bedside table a water bottle and a small snack shoved it into her pockets then grabbed Skye’s lesh andwhistled for Skye and took off again, Skye whinned never seeing her master this upset but Dani kept running until she couldn’t anymore she then walked. Her lungs burned her legs were screaming and her heart felt as if it was going the thump out of her chest. She slowed now, she was nearing the path that would take her to her spot she wanted to be alone.

She made it up there and sat down at her spot, Skye sencing something was wrong laid down at her side and laid her head in her lap Dani stroked her head. She stared out there for over an hour without speaking then slowly spoke to Skeye since no one else was around “So my dad would want me to mourn, what would he say know if he knew I was cutting again, I promised him I would try and stop, I failed, you see that’s why I wouldn’t promise Alex that I would stop I knew I would fail him, it hurts to much to be a failure to break promises” She pulled out the swiss army knife and twilled it in her hands, she was grateful that she was here, no one knew of this spot but Dustin, and she hoped that he wouldn’t tell anyone she needed to be alone. She was holding on to to much it hurt to breath it hurt to move she couldn’t handle the pain any more, she couldn’t belive that Dustin was enlisting, Alex was reinlisting she was going to lose both of them, the only things she had going for her in her life and she was going to lose them. She had killed her father, slapped her brother…and oh god she just relized had run out without saying good by to Alex.. She sat there trying to bring the tears up but it was just dry heaves she continued to try but failing she had held it in for so long that she had forgotten how to to cry, The pain just increased.

She could not longer handle it she needed to realease the pain she rolled up her selve then bringing the knife to her skin and dug it in deep and then sliced it across and sighed as the blood ran down her arm it was the realease that she was looking for she leaned her head against Skye and closed her eyes a single tear escaped from her eye and she watched the sun set she wanted to be alone, but she knew that Alex would be worried but she didn’t have the strenght to stand the blood continued to run down her arm but she just ignored it, she didn’t want to die she just wanted the pain to stop, to make the guilt stop, and yes now she even wanted to cry.

Dustin was getting nervous it had been hours since he had seen his sister, he was hidding out though knowing that Alex would be mad at him, but as the sun set he stopped lying to Alex about his sister being at the VA talking to a conceller, instead he finally walked up to him his hands in his pocket. “Hey man, I lied, Dani anit at the VA, she head me talking to our father” He paused “I got accepted for boot camp I leave after Exams” He didn’t say that it was this terms exams “Well he ran away I caught up to her but she kicked me then slapped me, then took off” He paused again “Dude she took Skye and” he trailed off, she is most likely at our hiking trail. “Its our special spot” He rubbed his neck. “Alex, her knife is missing from her night stand, the one that you don’t know about” He looked up at him “I would have told you earlier but I was sure that she would have been home by now” He shrugged and shook his head “I didn’t want her to find out like this you know” Then he walked away outside clearly upset with himself.

Dani was still in her spot the bleeding had stopped but had left her feeling a little weak Skye laid protectivly at her side Dani was toying with the dog tags and the ring that she was given lost in own world of guilt and sorrow feelings that she had not let herself feel and for a good reason she didn’t want to end up like this alone and scared and unable to controle her emotion, unable to cry and unable to fake it anymore. She felt utterly alone and hated it.


((OOC I finished this at 245am so if you dont like how its broken to Alex about Dani you can change that, or whatever...opend you liked it))

[Guest]

Alex could see that it meant alot for her to get the ring and that her father's squad ment something to her. He hoped that the sergeants words would help her. For she needed to let loose and let it out. She would feel better and then begin to heal herself. He had not liked talking about the things that went on in Iraq. But after his sessions with the VA group, he was feeling alot better about himself and knew he would be able to return to duty a better man for it.

She walked away from them all saying she wanted to go talk to her father. It was a common thing for people to do he guessed. He was hoping that she was just wanting to be alone when she cried so no one would see her. He was about to go after her when the squad stopped him and began asking him questions. "Yes I intend to reenlist as soon as I graduate. I already have talked to the recruiter and things are already set in motion. Dani supports my decision. I know it was a tough decision for her to make but she knows how much the Army means to me." He knew it was hard for her, losing her father and not wanting to lose him. But she also knew that Alex might make a difference over there and once the conflict was over he could settle down at a military base somewhere to a normal routine. "Also she has my mother to be with while I am gone. She didn't have anyone but her brother before. Now she has some one to lean on and talk to.

He chuckled when they made it clear they would be there for the wedding. "You know she wants a military wedding. The whole thing. I think all of you would play a big part in all of it, if I know her well enough." He had to excuse himself and looked at the principle who waved his hand to go follow Dani. He knew the two were good students and would make up any work missed. He would notify their teachers that they would probably be out the rest of the day. Alex went out side and didn't see Dani anywhere. He walked over to the cemetary and again didn't see her there. Dustin had left before he got there so he didn't see him either. This made Alex worried. She should have been there. He went back and got his car and went home and found that she was not there and that her dog was gone. She evidently had been there and gone. But where and why had she just up and gone without telling him.

He went looking around and talked to Dustin. He told him she had gone over tot he VA Center and Alex went there and found out that she was not there. By the time he got back to Dustin it had been a few hours and then Dustin told him the truth and where Dani had gone. He drove up to the hiking trail and parked then ran the rest of the way up. He found her laying there on the ground with Skye laying next to her. He knelt down and pulled her up into a sitting position, his his arms around her and held her tightly to him. "Are you alright?" he asked her, concern in his voice. "I was worried about you." He held her tightly

[Xuxa_Rene]

Dani continued to lay there the setting sun slowly setting sending her into darkeness, her brother was leaving for bootcamp he was leaving her….it wasn’t so much that he was leaving her but that he didn’t tell her, Dani still couldn’t belive that she had slapped him, she had never hit anyone before in her life, but how could he do that to her, not tell her that he was enlisting, is that why he had been acting to strange? God did Debbie know, she was sure of that, what about Alex? Did he know? That would mean that he had hide it from her? She couldn’t handle that thought, couldn’t handle the thought that the man that she loved, that proposed to her had lied, even if it was not a full out lie, he didn’t tell her something. No he couldn’t have known, he would have told her. Then Dani stared at the fresh marks on her wrist, there would be no hidding them, three deep ones, they had stopped bleeding but they were still fresh, Alex would be likely to ask for the ring back, her life was running out of controle, her brother was leaving, Alex was leaving, and now since she failed him he was likely to stop loving her, she wasn’t the strong person he had fallen in love with, she was a weak pathetic mess.

She shook her head and tried to stand, she knew that she should be getting home she didn’t want to deal with all of this right now, she wantd to continue just being strong. She remembered her fathers squad said that her father would want her to mourn, was that true? Even if it was she knew that soon she would be missed, She tried to take a step but instead she collasped down again, she was too emotionally exhausted to move she just wanted the pain to stop, she closed her eyes and with Skye at her side she fell asleep.

She wasn’t sure how long she slept her mind mercifully have given her the protection of sleep, to protect her a little bit longer. But soon after she had fallen asleep she awoke to Skye lowly growling then whimpering. She tried to open her eyes to see what or who was there but she was then pulled into a sitting postion then relized that it was Alex he had found her. She blinked it was completely dark now she leaned into his strong shoulders. “I’m so sorry Alex, I didn’t mean to fall asleep…I just” She trailed off and pulled away from him , pulling down the selve of her hoddie and glared at him. “Dutin is enlisting did you know” She had attempted to make her voice angry but it was full of hurt and confusion. She was so confused she was feeling so many emotions at once she didn’t know what one to protray first.

She stood a bit shaky on her feet and paced but she looked as if she could collaspe at anytime. She took the ring and kissed it “This was my fathers, was suppose to be a good luck charm” She couldn’t look at Alex. “You know even though I took the knock on the door, recived the body at the airport, and the flag at the funeral, and that I wear his dog tags I always thought that maybe there was a mistake you know, the army has made those, I couldn’t view the body cause it was too badly damaged” She swallowed hard, still not wanting to cry, she chewed her bottom lip “False hope is better then no hope, and now I have none, I have no hope I will ever hear my dads voice again” She gripped the ring in her hand still unable to look at Alex but no longer pacing she was shaking though, “Now that I have this” she held out the ring “I now know there is no chance for a mistake” She finally looked at him it was clear she was so close to tears she swallowed hard. “I don’t want him to be dead, I want him to call me tommrow and let me know that this has all been a bad nightmare that I am going to wake up, that I was right for not crying, for not mourning cause there was nothing to be sad about” She shook her head “Stupid really, I knew that he was gone, but I wanted to be strong, for if I was strong enough maybe, I wouldn’t have killed him” She nodded “See I had to be strong for Dustin, he didn’t handle it well, so I had too, and now-“

Suddenly her face turned red wth rage and she started to yell which caused Skye to jump up and whine at her side then run too Alex and nudge him then back to Dani and back to Alex nudging him again trying to make it clear that she wanted Alex to go do Dani but Dani was pacing. “HOW COULD MY BROTHER ENLIST WITH OUT TELLING ME, WHEN WAS HE PLANNING ON TELLING ME WHEN HE BORDED THE BUS FOR BASIC?” She paused “OR MAYBE ON THE AIRPLANE GOING INTO COUNTRY” She was panting and fuming, Skye was whinning loudly clearly worried about Dani, Then Dani brought a hand to her mouth. “Oh God I slapped him, I hit my brother” At this she collasped her knees giving out from under him. “I hit my brother” She shook her head, “I am a awful person, our dad is probably up in heaven ashamed of me”

It was then she noticed her palm had a trail of dried blood on it she attempted to pull her sleve down to hide it away “And you would be ashamed of me too” She lowered her head. “I don’t like being weak Alex, it scares me, I need to be in controle” She shook her head as she felt the tears whell up “I miss him Alex, I miss him so much” It was then that the damn broke and for the frist time in over a year Dani cried. Speaking incorhearitnly though the sobs. Snipits of “I’m so sorry” and “I miss him” “I cant do this, I need to be strong” could be made out. She was shaking hard and crying so hard that she was gasping, coughing for air. She felt foolish, he too had lost a father in the war, and now he would think that she couldn’t handle him enlisting, she hated herself for that, it was his dream and she would support him. She was just so confused. Skye laid her head down on Dani’s lap looking at her, she wouldn’t leave her masters side.

Dani was still crying hard continueing to gasp for air, her body releasing over a years worth of tears, pain and sorrow. Suddenly she stood and ran a few steps before putting her hand on a tree her back to Alex and puked that made her cry all the harder and she fell down again her back against the tree and her head in her arms, she had momentairly forgotten about Alex but skye came running over and pushed her head inbetween her arms and kissed her face, Dani wrapped her arms around her neck and burred her face in to her fur. “I miss him, Im so sorry Dad”

[Guest]

Alex tried to hold her but she was very up set. She was going on about her brother not telling her he was going into the army, on about her father and how she had to be strong and why had Alex not told her that Dustin was going to be going into the army. He could see the cuts on her arm and that worried him.

She paced about the place for a bit screaming and carring on. Then finally she broke down and cried, and seemed like she could not stop. She still blamed her self for everything but that was not true. He finaly was able to once again take her into his arms and hold her to him, after she threw up. He held her tightly, "It is not your falult and you know it. Finally he picked her up into his arms and carried her back down to the car. All the way telling her that it was not her fault and that her father would be proud of her for what she had been able to accomplish.

As for Dustin going into the army, he sighed and said. "I had suspissions that he might be doing that but had nothing concrete till I saw him at the VA center on my last visit there. Dr Parks had cleared him for enlistment. He still had to get accepted, send his paperwork in to see if the Army would now accept him. There was still a chance he would be denied and I did not want to worry you or spoil your holidays with worry about what he was going to do. I know I should have told you, but too I figured it was up to him to do that, to tell you face to face and not have a second party do it."

He kissed her cheek and then got her into the car. He wanted to get her home and tend to the cuts on her arm. Holding his door open and the seat forward he let skyes into the back of the car and then he hopped in and took off for home.

[Xuxa_Rene]

Dani was exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically, the dam had broken and she was completely broken. Her body was shaking and drained. She whipped her mouth clean as hepuled her close again, But she could not hear the words he was speaking for her head was pounding from crying too much. She was so ashmed with herself she wanted to curl up in a ball somwhere and forget this all she wanted the pain to stop. She was so tired and just wanted to sleep, her plan was to sleep until the pain stoped, if that ever happeend.

She was only vaguly aware of Alex picking her up, she was a whimpering mess snuggling against Alex’s strong chest as he carried her down, deaf to his words. Skye was running beside them whimpering loudly clearly still worried about her master. As Dani was placed in the car she leaned up against the window she wasnt not even aware of his kiss. Skye barked once and then jumped in and laid down.

She shook her head. “I cant belive I hit my brother, I….” Suddenly she sat up and glared at him, her eyes were red and swollen her face covered in tear stains and her body still lurching in hic-ups “How did you find me? Only my brother myself and my father know of that place” Suddenly she began crying again, “He took us up there before he shipped out last time, told us he would always be with us, and if we ever needed him we just had to go there” She leaned her head against the window again as the tears fell silently down her face. “Alex, this is what I was afraid of, I feel apart and now I will never be together again” She held herself close, clearly in phyisical pain, her stomach and heart and even her limbs ached. She was numb and absently mindily begain to pick at her new cut marks pulling the thin protective layer of dried blood off and not even noticing as the fresh blood poured out of them. Her eyes were fixed ahead and she was in a dream stance. Unaware of anything around her.

[Guest]

Alex reached over and took her hand in his, the one trying to pick at the newly formed scabs on her arm. He squeezed it. "Dustin told me where you were." Everything had hit her all at once and she did not know how to deal with all of it. Once he got her home though his mother would be able to help, she had gone through it herself and had pulled herself back together. "You will be fine Dani. You have the courage and the strength to work yourself through this and come out on top. But you needed this, needed to let it all our so that you can know it was not your fault and that your father knew as I know, that it is alright to cry and mourn for your loved ones and it does not make you weak, but makes you stronger."

As he pulled up in the drive way, his mother came running out as well as Dustin and Debbie. Alex let Sykes out and then went around and picked Dani up into his arms again and carried her inside. Dustin looked worried and scared. Debbie was crying and took one of her hands as they walked towards the door and into the house. Alex laid her on the couch and when his mother saw the blood she went and got the first aid kit and began treating her cuts.

[Xuxa_Rene]

When Alex reached over and grasped her hand Dani attempted to pull her hand away from Alex She didn’t want to be touched, she needed to pick she felt dirty and she hated herself. She wanted to be alone, why did Dustin tell Alex where she was? Now she had no where to go to be alone, Alex would be able to find her where ever she went. But why was that a bad thing? Her mind was swimming with thoughts and she couldn’t hold on one long enough to Again she tried to pull away but his hand held hers tight so she stared out the window, the words he was speaking sort of sounded like Charlie Browns teacher. She shook her head and used her selve of her hoddie to whipe her face. She could tell they were close to his home and now she was attempting to make it look like she hadnt broken.

When they pulled up she knew that was for not, his mother came running and her brother and Debbie came running out. She wanted to sink into her chair but Alex had let Skye out then came back for her. He picked her up and then carried her in. She could hear Debbie cryng and caught a look of Dustin, but she was still sleightly angry at him right now. Then she hated herself for being angry at her brother.

Being laid on the couch she immeditatly wanted to curl into a ball and sleep again, but her arm was being pulled and tended to, she winced and her body tened as it was being cleaned, it was much deeper then normal. And has his mother cleaned it it pumped more blood Dani shook her head trying to pull her arm away from his mother. “I’m sorry please, just leave me alone” She was talking nonesense of couse but Dani just wanted to be strong again. She wasn’t used to being tended to, and although it felt good to be tended too it confused her.

She looked up at Alex shaking her head “I’m so sorry” The tears began to fall down her cheeks again. Then turned her face to his mother “How bad is it?” Her eyes burned and were so red and swollen. Her breathign was raspy and her body still shaking. Comet meanwhile jumped on the couch and layed beside her Dani pet the cat softly and Comet glared at Alex’s mother as she tended to the cuts.

[Guest]

Alex's mother grabbed her arm again and continued cleaning it and applying some disenfectant. Then she bandaged it. Dustin moved in after Mary moved out of the way and sat on the couch next to his sister as she lay there. "I am sorry Dani, I didn't mean to.... mean to hurt you." he took one of her hands and squeezed it. "It's well, the only way I can really be able to be on my own and," he looked up at Debbie, "be able to show Debbie's father that I can support her." Dustin looked worried and tore up himself. He was feeling so bad about not telling her what he was planning.

Alex sat down and moved her head to his lap and caressed her face. Mary turned and told her. "The cuts are not that bad. It will be alright. You just lay there and rest ok."

Alex figured that she would be alright with a good night sleep. Things would look alot better in the morning. "Everything is alright Dani." he whispered as he continued to caress her face. "I love you." he told her.

[Xuxa_Rene]

Dani gulped and coughed trying to get controle of her tears, her eyes were burning too much for hersef to able to continue crying. She nodded slowly as Mary finished cleaning them and bandaged them. When her brother sat down she wantd to pull him into a hug. As he spoke she chewed her bottom lip. "Ohh Dustin its not that" She reached up and stroked his face. "I am sorry I reactd like I did I was just frightened" She handed him the right, "Our fathers squad gave me this" She swallowed hard "I was holding out hope that the army had made a mistake you know" She paused. "Then to hear that you were leaving me it was just too much for me to handle, I felt like I didnt protect you, I tried so hard to protect you after our father died, and with you leaving, I know I cant do that anymore and I felt as if I hadnt only failed father but you too" With her good arm she pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. "Dustin your my brother and I love you, forgive me for hitting you please, I was just shocked."

When Alex movd her head into his lap she put on a strong face. She nodded to Mary "Thank you Mary, and sorry again." As Alex stroked her cheek she beain to fingr the ring, She pulled him down and through broken words like she was trying to prevent herself from Crying. "Alex, I am not the girl you fell in lov with, I am a weak pitiful mess" She let out a sob before continueing "I will understand if you want the ring back" The tears started up again as she readied herself to be dumpd.

[Guest]

Dustin knelt there by the couch, as tears streamed down his face. "You have done all you could for me Dani. Now it is my turn to do the protecting in the only way I can. Don't worry about hitting me, I guess I deserved it for keeping all of this from you."

Alex took her left hand with the engagement ring on it and raised it to his lips. "You are still the woman I love." he told her. "You are not weak, you are just human like the rest of us." He then helped her sit up and again he picked her up into his arms and carried her upstairs. "Now it is time for you to rest." He smiled and kissed her lips gently. He laid her down on the bed and took her shoes off. "Sleep my love. Sleep and heal." He sat down on the bed holding her hand. "I'll be here for you."

[Xuxa_Rene]

Seeing her brother cry, broke Dani's heart into even more tiny peices, she swallowed and tried to put on a brave face. "Well you know one thing brother, you are going to be one spoiled Soldier, I am going to be sending you a care package every week" She then let out a laugh that was a mix of a cry. "I guess I can understand you Dustin, just you better come back to me and Debbie" Her voice was getting weaker as she struggled to talk, her eyes were getting heavier and same with her limbs, her head was pounding from crying so much.

When Alex took her had she squeezed her eyes tight fully thinking that he was oing to take the ring, but when he kissed it she looked up at him. She ws grateful that he still loved her for she loved him with all of her heart. She shook her head as he pulled her up she knew she didnt have the strength to sit up. But as he pulled her up into his arms she snuggled into his chest as he carried her upstairs once upstairs she laied on the bed and when he sat down she immeditatly moved and laid her head on his stomach and closed her eyes. "Thank you Alex, I love you" She yawned then fell alseep in his arms.

[Guest]

Alex let her fall asleep and then when he was certain she was, he undressed her and pulled the covers up over her and then got undressed and slipped under the covers himself, snuggling up to her and putting an arm over her. Her warm and naked body felt good against his as he relaxed. He didn't think that she was going to be able to go to school the next day. He would have to make sure she stayed home and of course in bed for most of it.

In the morning he awoke and felt her beside him. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. He moved a hand over her stomach, down close to her pubic hairs. He doubted she was up for something like that though. "You are to stay in bed." he whispered. "No school for you today." he held her close to him.

[Xuxa_Rene]

Having had such a emotional breakdown her body was exhuasted and Dani slept soundly unaware of Alex stripping down, only shivering in her sleep and snuggling into the closest heat source which was of course Alex, she was too far asleep to realize that they were both naked. She sleeped altough was plaughed by night mares her body jumping in the sleep and she even began to cry in her sleep the tears silently running down her cheek and onto the pillow. Her broken heart in too much pain still to contain it. She mumbled in her sleep and continued to silently cry. Sometime during the night she had turned over and was slightly way from him and on her uninjured side.

In the morning she felt him lean over and kiss her she grumbled slightly. As he moved his hand over her stomach she smiled, but the lower it got the more she tensed up and as it hit her public hairs she shook her head and attempted to stand. “Im not” she cut short. “What do you mean I am not going to school today?” She glared at him “I have to go to school I am already half a day behind, I didn’t even go to my classes yesterday to get my homework for those” She brought a hand to her forhead. “Oh God, did yesterday really happen” She looked at her arm and took a few steps back falling over. “Oh Alex I am sorry, you see now why I didn’t want to promise you, I always fail” She burried her face in her hands as the tears started up again.

Suddenly she stood shaking her head and grabbing his house coat and putting it on “No I have to go to school, and so do you, both of us absent that is going to send up questions” She was speaking in a low, no nonesence voice that hyst dared him to question her. “I am going to go get dressed, and you should do the same, or you could go in your boxers but that would get even more rumors started” She licked her lips nodding. “Now chop chop we leave in 10 minutes I need to go to those other teachers before classes start” It was clear that she was trying to be strong again but she was unable to met Alex’s eyes. Instead she slowly walked out of his bedroom and to her room to start searching for something to wear.

[Guest]

As she walked out of the room in his housecoat, Alex's mom was there. "Oh no you don't young lady." she said. "Back in there and into bed with you." Sykes was there also, her tail wagging and she grabbed hold of the sleeve of the House Coat and began pulling her back towards the bed room. Dustin came up the stairs, he was ready for school.

"Yeah sis, you need a good rest." He held up a hand and wagged his finger at her. "Don't worry about homework. Mary has called the school and is having one of the councelors bring it over. That is for both you and Alex." he grinned. He began guiding her back to the bed room. "We can do the homework when it gets here. "

Alex came out of the bedroom with a pair of pants on. He looked at Dani and grinned. "Come on Dani." he walked out to her and put an arm around her.

[Xuxa_Rene]

Dani was stopped short by Mary. “But I haveto” her sentence was cut short, it seemed that the entire household hand it in for her. Even her dog Skye she looked at them all with pleading eyes “Please I havent missed a day, since my father’s funeral, how am I going to explain my absence” Her eyes were whelling up but she refused to let them fall. When Dustin came down the stairs she lost all hope of going to school was gone. Her shoulders slumped and her whole body looked defeated.

She numbly nodded when Dustin spoke of the homework but her head shot up when he mentioned a councelleor she shook her head. “No, I don’t want a councerller. Dustin please don’t” She pleding with him. “I went to my three required sessions I do not need anymore” She looked around at everyone, her eyes still swollen and red, the dark circles under her eyes showed that she was still exhuasted even though she had gotton some sleep.

When Alex came out of the room and to her Dani wanted to pull away she still felt dirty and she had failed Alex, and he hadnt even mentioned that yet She brought her hands to her face shaking it. “No Alex, you have to go to bed, I promise I wont get out of bed, but both of us cant be abesent, that will look too suspeiious” She glared at him. “So one of us is going to schoo, Me or you which will it be” She crossed her arms then winced as she hit her fresh cut marks. She chewed her bottom lip and continued to glare at him, “So are you going or should I get dressed and go?”

[Guest]

It was hard to argue with her at this point on the matter. He hugged her and kissed her then went back in the room and finished getting dressed. He then turned to her and wagged his finger at her smiling, "You had best keep yourself in bed and rest. I'll see if one of the teacher's aids can bring the home work over for you. At least you will have something to occupy you.

He gave her a deep kiss and then kissed his mother on the cheek and was out the door with Dustin not far behind. Dustin was looking better, now that he didn't have to hide what he was doing any more. It was as if the weight of the world had ben lifted from his shoulders. When he got to school everyone was wanting to know what was going on. They knew that she had visitors the day before and had disapeared for several hours. Dani's new friends were all worried and asked Alex a million questions. He could only say that she need more rest and that she was emotionally drained. He would let Dani tell them about what happened. He figured she should be the one to do that.

He talked to the counselor and got all Dani's homework and one of the Teacher's Aids agreed to drive it over right away. Alex finished his in his study period and did as much of the present days as he could during classes. When school was over he headed straight home and up to his room to see how she was doing.

[Xuxa_Rene]

Seeing Alex go back in and get dressed she felt her heart sink a little, she didn’t think that he would actually leave her, she excepted him to lift her up in his arms place her on the bed and tell her to give it up that he was going to stay with her all day, and tend to her. But her stubbroness bit her in the ass but she put on a strong face as he came back fully dressed she again advoided his eye contact. “Alright Alex” She nodded chewing her lip. She kissed him back refusing to let the tears fall. She waved good bye to everyone then went to her room grabbed some sweat pants and a over sized shirt wincing as that went over so she knew that a hoddie was out of the question.

She walked into the bathroom and washed her face, looking at herself in the mirror she scowled then looked away she was still to upset with herself. She knew that she should eat but she had no appetiate. She closed her eyes, the tears still burning them but she wasn’t too sure why she was still needing to cry she was shure that she had no more tears left inside of her. She took a drink of water from the facet to cool her partched throat and then left the bathroom calling for Skye and Comet.

Dani then climbed back into bed and Skye and Comet both jumped into the bed beside her and Dani smiled weekly at them “They all left me” She swallowed and flipped on the TV channel surfing, but finally she stopped it at Reba and closed her eyes and fell back asleep.

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